I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize