Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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