Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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