Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
