I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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