remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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