Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You were trust falling into bushes
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
