i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
