I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
