Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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