don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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