I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
