The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize