and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
