I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
