everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Randomize
