This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
