I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
