i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize