if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
