boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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