there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
