I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
