Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
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I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
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Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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