my sisters under your porch take her home
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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