I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
