Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
How's work?
Spinning.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
