chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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