Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
