Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
