Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
