Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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