Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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