theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
