How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
