its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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