Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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