Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
