woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
