the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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