I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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