it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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