I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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