In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
