I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
