Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
