where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
