Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
