no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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