my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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