he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
