I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
