she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
