Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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