This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
