walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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