it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize