I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
