I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
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I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize