wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
