Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The best revenge is premature balding
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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