took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
