dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
