you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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