I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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