A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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