I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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