thus making me awesome and them whores
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
