Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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