Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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