Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
