from now on my penis is your penis
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
