Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize