I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
