she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
