We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
