quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
