SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
