Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
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Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
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The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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