I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
