So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
organizing the empties. That sober.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
