So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
