I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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