I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
