Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
