So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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