He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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