Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dicks are not precious.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
