Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
