Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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