Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
