You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I need a burrito and a hug.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
