Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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